A big thank you
I am very nervous now.
It is a very strange feeling both wanting something dreadfully yet fearing it at the same time.
Tomorrow my massive underbite will be a thing of the past. I'm scared that the emotions will overwhelm me.
Up until now I have been jealous of all those people who have already gone through their surgery, but now I feel admiration for them and lots of respect for what they went through in the days leading to the surgery. It isn't a bevy of excitement. It is an overwhelming worry that you are going to hate the result and that you will hate your new face.
I tried to explain to people that this surgery isn't like having a hip replaced or an organ surgery. This surgery is so much deeper than that. Its not just about fixing something, its about all the emotions and years of self-loathing that go with it. For me this surgery will change the face that I have hated for so long. The face that generated bullying and insults and as a result has made me hate the way I look and always feel like I'm not good enough. This surgery will hopefully help me to finally be able to look in a mirror and like what I see instead of being repulsed by it.
But it's more than that. This surgery will mean that I no longer have to embarrass myself by using a knife and fork to eat a sandwich (which usually gets me a nasty look from whoever I have asked for the cutlery from, almost like I'm deliberately being awkward).
Being able to bite though a sandwich is something which so many people take for granted, it sounds crazy but they do.
Hopefully tomorrow is the start of me being feeling confident enough to smile in front of strangers, to eat in public and to move forward in life.
To all the jaw surgery veterans, I salute you and your courage. And thank you for the guidance and support you provided for all those behind you. I have appreciated all of those bloggers and message board members who have offered so much good advice. Thank you.
Truly, thank you.