So Sad :(

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llehsal
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So Sad :(

#1 Post by llehsal » Wed May 12, 2010 5:53 am

Today I feel so despondent. Yesterday I had my final consult, and made my decision with who and what I would be doing regarding my treatment. I am finally able to afford this treatment. My friends have been hearing for years how I wanted this and how my teeth made me so unhappy. I was so ecstatic yesterday, that I immediately gave them the good news that I would begin treatment next month. I was given the hardest time ever. "You really going to do this?", "you really going to extract your tooth?" "you dont need this"....and the list goes on with the negativity.

I can't stand it. I'm so disappointed that they would not at least be happy that I am happy as a friend would. I understand that they won't feel the same as I would as I'm the one getting the treatment, but what i don't get is why cant they at least be happy for me....that finally I'm about to do this, for myself. This really upset me as now I know when I do put in my appliances and am in discomfort, I know I cant go to them and express how I feel. I know I won't get the support. This is what bothers me. Anyone else experienced this?

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TumbleDryLow
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#2 Post by TumbleDryLow » Wed May 12, 2010 6:04 am

It is amazing how people just can't shut up if they don't have anything nice to say...isn't it?

But I can feel your frustration b/c I had similar reactions. My family wasn't negative exactly; they were mostly ambivalent. It was almost as if they were saying, "yeah, whatever--your money." I had a friend who actually asked me why I didn't just, "file all my teeth down and get veneers."

Just ignore the negativity. You are doing this for yourself and no one else. Always keep that in mind. And while it would be nice to have support at the beginning of treatment, I found that as time went on the people who were poo-pooing me at first actually became quite supportive when they saw the dramatic changes unfold with my smile. So hang in there!

classII
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#3 Post by classII » Wed May 12, 2010 6:07 am

Stems from envy. In that you commited to do something you said you would do. Not even braces related. For example if you or they said over and over for years, you know I must stop smoking or I must lose weight, they'll for conversation purposes will agree and encourage, and when you do finally do it, and they respond like that, they're envious because secretely they wish they had to the commitment or courage or mental power to do the same.

Human nature. :x

Don't worry about them. Worry about yourself. Once you get going, it will 100% brighten up your life as your teeth improve, which will radiate and will be infectious and before you know it, they'll be confessing to you their problems and seeking your guidence how to actually go about doing it. :D

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catgyrl
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#4 Post by catgyrl » Wed May 12, 2010 9:15 am

Shelby-

You are not alone because I'm in the exact same boat as you. (Scooch over, girl...) :lol:

I think classII hit the nail on the head. They're envious because you've made a commitment to improving yourself, and are going through with it. Everyone has something about themselves they want to improve, but most never have the will or discipline to make it happen... and you have. I have only one friend I can discuss my braces with, and she just so happens to be 49 and just got HER braces off recently, and was a huge factor in my getting mine.

Most of the responses I received were like TumbleDryLow's: "Whatever... it's your money." The most negative one was from my oldest sister (she's 15 years older than me). She said, "I don't understand why you'd want to do that," and was just generally uninterested whenever I'd bring it up. Once in a while she'd say (rather unenthusiastically), "Don't listen to what other people say. If it's something you've always wanted to do, go for it." When I finally got them on, she told me to email her a pic... but after a week, she'd never even looked at it. I finally saw her a week later, and she asked me to smile, so I did. I swear... all she did was laugh, and turn back to her TV show. I told her "Well, that sure was rude!" No reply.

Well... I just discovered a week or so ago that she's had a LOT of teeth (like about 5) pulled over the years due to decay, and I never even noticed all these years. Also, when I told her about my extraction that took a whole 10 seconds, she said, "Well, you must have nice, strong healthy teeth. Mine crumble and break." No wonder she's envious!!

Sorry to hijack your thread. Others' problems/insecurities are not my problem, and they certainly shouldn't be yours. You have a TON of support here, and we're all interested in your story. :D

-Cathy

Snowglobe32
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#5 Post by Snowglobe32 » Wed May 12, 2010 10:04 am

I had people who had no idea why I was getting braces, they said, "There is nothing wrong with your teeth." I would tell them, yeah, from the front it seems that way but I have no bite what so ever. I would also remind them that only an ortho can tell me if something is wrong is one's mouth.

When I told them how much it would cost, I got a lot of flak also. I heard that I was paying for someone's college education, I was paying too much money...blah blah blah. For me, it was the best time to get braces. I am single, no kids, I can afford it now. In the future, if I have those things, I might not be able to afford it. But in the end, it was my decision and one of the best decisions I have ever made!

It might also be that they really don't know what goes into orthodontic treatment so to them, the cost is outrageous. Maybe once your begin treatment and start seeing changes, it will reflect in your attitdue and self confidence and they will come around. Don't be discouraged.

So, go get your braces on and keep a big smile on your face! :D

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catgyrl
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#6 Post by catgyrl » Wed May 12, 2010 10:10 am

Amen, Snowglobe32!

Ilehsal - you smile your cute little face off!! The more you go around trying to hide the braces, the more miserable you'll feel and, actually, the MORE attention you'll call to them. Not one person at work even comments on mine anymore - not a one. Not even when I'm picking mushy white bread out of the brackets. They're so used to it already.

People do not understand that there's more to "good teeth" than what they see when you smile. If that was the case, mine would be close to perfect. (Until I found out what a midline was, and then... lordy be! Mine is horrible. haha)

llehsal
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#7 Post by llehsal » Wed May 12, 2010 10:12 am

It feels so good that I can express this. I must admit, I am happy that I am not the only one who experienced this, I guess it just took me by surprise. It's a bit saddening when many of the people who you depend on and trust the most, can show so little support and consideration when you need it. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I'm still pretty excited about my B day :D

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catgyrl
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#8 Post by catgyrl » Wed May 12, 2010 10:38 am

I'm glad that you're still motivated and excited! :D

It is a shame that people feel the need to "rain on others' parades", so to speak. It's something lacking in their life, and has nothing to do with you.

The first pic I took after I got my braces was in my car at the pharmacy afterward, and I must say - I think it's one of the best pictures I've ever taken (and I HAAAAAATE taking pictures, or how I look in them). I look so ... Happy!! And cute, if I may be so bold. And it helps that it braces shave a few years off, too... I even put the pic on my FB (social networking site) profile. :D

-Cathy

UGHBRACES
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#9 Post by UGHBRACES » Wed May 12, 2010 10:58 am

I don't think people are trying to be mean to you by saying they don't think you need it, i think they are complimenting you the way you are right now. They just see you differently than you see yourself.

hal2me
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#10 Post by hal2me » Wed May 12, 2010 11:30 am

Hi llehsal,

I have experienced this as well. When people saw me, I got comments such as:" There was nothing wrong with your teeth. What a waste of money.", "You are looking for attention.", and my all-time favorite "You are trying to act young.". I was 34 when my braces were put on! Seriously people!

Sometimes I think that people get extremely envious when they see others doing something for themselves. Just keep up the great work!

Next time you see those naysayers, smile a big smile!

Sorry you had to experience this. Some will be extremely happy for you. I am!!!

Best of luck to you!!!

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catgyrl
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#11 Post by catgyrl » Wed May 12, 2010 11:45 am

hal2me wrote: Next time you see those naysayers, smile a big smile!
I LOVE THIS!!!! Smile more than you ever have in your life!

"Looking for attention?" I would think there are much less expensive or less painful ways to get attention than braces. "Trying to act young." Maybe not "act" young, but most people definitely do look younger. What's wrong with that?

Pure envy, I tell you. My niece got implants recently, and I was giving her a hard time, teasing her, when she said, "Stop hating, auntie!!" I had to step back and think, "Was I really hating, or just teasing?" I was honestly just teasing her, and think she looks fantastic! Whatever she wants to do is fine with me - she 'aint using my money. :lol:

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ashesgap
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#12 Post by ashesgap » Wed May 12, 2010 11:54 am

Just wanted to add....I had an appt yesterday with my daughters IEP team at the school. These people haven't seen me since before i got braces, and i was a little nervous. But the whole hour we were all laughing and talking and i had no issues. I wasn't self concious or anything. Before braces i hated my gaps, so i tried not to smile too big or anything, but now i smile all the time, big as i can. The biggest problem with this is my bottom lip keeps getting caught on the dang hook...so chapstick or gloss is a must. Enjoy the braces. Don't listen to a word they say after you get the braces on.
When people say "Why waste your money?" ask them...why'd you waste your money on that expensive car? or house? or whatever....BECAUSE ITS YOUR MONEY! and no ones business how its spent. Nothing irritates me more that people telling me what i'm doing with my money is wrong.
Have fun on your B-Day. :BigTeethGrin:
29 years old
2-18-10 baby canine pulled
3-15-10 got braces
12-22-11 Moving-SO EXCITED!!
1-2-12 Meet new Ortho
1-5-12 Begin finishing treatment
3-5-12 Canine Implants...dun dun dunnnnn
4-9-12 Deband!
I had braces for Two Years and TwentyFive Days
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catgyrl
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#13 Post by catgyrl » Wed May 12, 2010 12:07 pm

Oh yes, I love the "why waste your money" question.

I was recently able to pay off my car, a bank loan and a credit card, which left me a good $550 extra per month so I thought "Yay, I'm almost debt-free now!" Then this opportunity came along, and I thought, "Why not? I'm investing in my health, and what better thing to invest your money in?" I have had not one regret since the day I made my bracing appointment.

Jewles
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#14 Post by Jewles » Wed May 12, 2010 3:22 pm

I found my friends and family my supportive but my boyfriend the opposite. He did the whole 'you have beautiful teeth, dont waste your money, you are going to ruin your smile, you will look different' etc etc. I just explained to him that I wanted it and I was doing it for me not him. 16 months in he still hassles me asking when im getting them off and I just tell him that when they are ready they will come off!
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lealicious
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#15 Post by lealicious » Wed May 12, 2010 3:42 pm

I suppose I didn't receive all the support I would have liked. One of the reasons (one of many) for getting braces was that I want to have a nice smile for my wedding day. I know some people may find that stupid, but I am honestly sick of making a stupid face when I smile - all because of my teeth. Very rarely do I take a good picture, and those good ones are usually of me not even noticing somebody taking a photo.

Anyway, my father wants me to get married NOW. But I told him I want MY day to be the way I want it to be. If it means being comfortable with the way I smile, then so be it. Even if it means we have to wait 2-3 years. If it was up to my parents I'd be married now, even if it wasn't a proper wedding - all because my BF and I are building a house and I'll be moving in without a ring on my finger. All my life I have done things to make other people happy, now it's time for me to do things that will make me happy. Trust me, it's a whole big upheaval - I'm changing my career direction, I'm finally fixing the things I don't like about myself, I'm building a house... it feels good to be making all these changes, but it's so upsetting when I don't get the support I believe I deserve.

I got all those comments such as, 'You have a nice, unique smile", "Your teeth give you character", "You will look different, you won't be you". And mind you, this is just for the braces. They are all totally against my having the surgery. They scare me when they say that I'm messing with my face.

In the end it was my decision. I am unhappy with my teeth and my smile, and having braces and the surgery is a huge investment in my health, happiness and future.

Sorry for the long post! :)
10/03/10 - Upper braces
11/05/10 - First adjustment

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