Metal Mouth Message Board

I may be posting this in the wrong section, but I think it fits best here...

I don't have kids, but I'm thinking about paying for my fiancee's braces treatment after mine is completed. Essentally, I will be his support both financially and emotionally. In essence, I will be his mother through the process.

He has really bad crowding on his lowers with a very deep bite. He says that he wants them fixed ("I'd like to have them been already fixed.") but paying for it is simply not feasable to him. He has 3 children of his own and they come before him (child support, supplies, etc... general cost of children - two in their teens!)

I don't have children to "pay" for so me footing the bill is more feasable. Our financial agreement is a bit different than other couples also. We pay our own personal bills (loans, car payments, etc.) but he refuses to let me help with household bills such as utilities and rent. Instead I do what I call "Wal-Mart-ing" for him and his children. He provides shelter and utilities. I provide food and clothing...and cat litter... I do the shopping. It will continue to be this way even after marriage. He tells me that it is how he prefers it, and I accept it as well.

Problem is, I am worried that he will not go through with it. I'm afraid there will be expanders and rubberbands and all kinds of stuff that I am not having to deal with and that he will not tolerate well. It will be a major commitment for him. I'm afraid that he will fuss about it after treatment has began. I am also worried that he will think I WANT him to do it instead of just being supportive of him. I love him reguardless of how his teeth look, but if HE wants them fixed I want to help him. BUT - If I pay for this and he doesn't complete it, or gets upset with me, I will be MAD.

I've tried talking to him about it but he won't really give me any kind of solid answers as to what he wants. It may be a while before it happens anyway, but I'd like to plan. (Probably setting up an FSA after we are married to cover it.)

Does anyone have any input? Thoughts or concerns on the subject?

I appreciate any help you may be able to give.

My husband and I have a sort of similar arrangement with our bills. I pay for mine, he pays for his, and then we just kind of split the cost of whatever else is left.

In your case, since your fiance is balking, I would start putting money aside, but hold off until he was really ready. Saving money is never a bad thing. Let it collect some interest in the bank for a while. If he decides to go through with it, great, money has already been put aside. If he decides not to, great, you have some extra money saved up for whatever else.

I would definitely hold off until he is more certain. You don't want to pay for something he is only going to back out of. And you don't want him to feel like he's been pressured into this. As much of I love my husband, I too would be really angry if I dropped a lot of money into something he didn't follow through with.

I think I would also set money aside. At an appropriate (and receptive) time, I would bring up the topic of him getting braces. If you approached it with more of a "thank you for being supportive while I had braces and now I would like to return the favor" viewpoint, I don't think he would feel like you're forcing them on him. Then at some point, you'd have to have a frank talk about how it's not pleasant all the time, etc.

I think it's a wonderful thing that you are thinking about doing!!! That kind of money would buy a lot of clothes and/or shoes and it shows that you are putting his well-being over superficial things.

Cat litter, don't get me started! Up until last week, I had five cats. Food, litter, and cleaning. That's my life!!!

Update.

Love him to death, but I seriously doubt this happens.

His tooth broke a few weeks ago (either back molar or wisdom - not sure) and he didn't tell me until a few days ago when I caught him rinsing w/ saltwater.

He was afraid I'd make him go to the dentist!

It's a jagged piece of tooth sticking up and it is rubbing a sore on his cheek. It is BROKEN!

Silly man.

Although I still think that his fear is not of the dentist/pain, but of the BILL!

When we talked about it he said "I don't want to drop a wad of money on my tooth. They are going to charge me $800 to pull it and I don't have it."

By $800 he means "random high dollar amount" seeing as how he hasn't even seen a dentist about it to find out what they would do.

Maybe braces would be different since I'm offering to foot the bill, but I still think he'd complain about the cost.


But thanks for the support!!!

Very silly man!!! I think there are more concerns than braces with this one.

You know...mine hasn't been to the dentist since forever. His tooth has been hurting him and he tends to indulge in semi-destructive behaviors. His family has nagged him forever to go to the dentist. I finally said "I love you and I know it's scary but I WANT you to have all your teeth". He admitted that he has to go and will make sure he goes in January.

I think your fiancee needs to think about things beyond cost, ie how important is his health to his future with you? Tooth problems can cause all sorts of things like heart problems, etc.

I wish you luck!

Jane