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Plate
A
man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in
his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new
upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What
have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can
think of is that about four months ago my wife made some
asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it
on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables,
everything."
"Well,"
says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"
from http://www.dochowell.com/7jokes.htm
The
Night Before Christmas for Braces Wearers
Twas
the night before Christmas, and I’d been put through my
paces
To
cook, clean and wrap with my teeth set in braces.
The
cookies so crunchy, the roast beef so chewy
But
alas I must eat food that’s softer and gooey.
My
family munched on their crackers and chips
(Well,
those only would have gone straight to my hips).
With
my chompers a-hurtin from ear to ear
It’s
been hard to come up with that old Christmas cheer.
But
I know that it all will pay off, all of this grief
When
two Christmases from now, Santa brings me straight teeth!
This
year, however, I’ll cut him some slack
And
wish for a case that good dental wax!
So
goodbye crooked teeth
And
spaces too tight!
Merry
Christmas to all
And
to all a good bite!
Ortho,
Ortho, Ortho
(to the tune of Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel)
I
had a maloclussion
I
hated every day
The
ortho said he'd fix it
And
to him I did say,
Oh
ortho, ortho, ortho
How
much more do I pay?
When
will my teeth be straightened?
What
can I eat? Oy vey!
And
so I wore my braces
Brushed
after every meal
I
also wore elastics
Yes,
I was no schlameel.
Oh
ortho, ortho, ortho
When
is my next appointment?
And
for this awful canker sore
Do
you have any ointment?
I
couldn't chew the brisket
Or
bite the chocolate gelt
At
least there were the latkes
In
my mouth they did melt!
Oh
ortho, ortho, ortho
I
need some dental wax
And
please give me a lot sir,
For
these painful train tracks
So
now it's two years later
My
braces have come out
As
I light my menorah, I think:
A
miracle happened in my mouth!
Oh
ortho, ortho, ortho
How
much more do I pay?
When
will my teeth be straightened?
What
can I eat? Oy vey!
