Brace Yourself!

weird orthodontic humor

The orthodontist said my braces will be off before the spring melt!


Home Plate

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." 

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

from http://www.dochowell.com/7jokes.htm


The Night Before Christmas for Braces Wearers

Twas the night before Christmas, and I’d been put through my paces

To cook, clean and wrap with my teeth set in braces.

The cookies so crunchy, the roast beef so chewy

But alas I must eat food that’s softer and gooey.

My family munched on their crackers and chips

(Well, those only would have gone straight to my hips).

With my chompers a-hurtin from ear to ear

It’s been hard to come up with that old Christmas cheer.

But I know that it all will pay off, all of this grief

When two Christmases from now, Santa brings me straight teeth!

This year, however, I’ll cut him some slack

And wish for a case that good dental wax!

So goodbye crooked teeth

And spaces too tight!

Merry Christmas to all

And to all a good bite!

 

 

Ortho, Ortho, Ortho
(to the tune of Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel)

I had a maloclussion

I hated every day

The ortho said he'd fix it

And to him I did say, 

Oh ortho, ortho, ortho

How much more do I pay?

When will my teeth be straightened?

What can I eat? Oy vey!

And so I wore my braces

Brushed after every meal

I also wore elastics

Yes, I was no schlameel.

Oh ortho, ortho, ortho

When is my next appointment?

And for this awful canker sore

Do you have any ointment?

I couldn't chew the brisket

Or bite the chocolate gelt

At least there were the latkes

In my mouth they did melt!

Oh ortho, ortho, ortho

I need some dental wax

And please give me a lot sir,

For these painful train tracks

So now it's two years later

My braces have come out

As I light my menorah, I think:

A miracle happened in my mouth!

Oh ortho, ortho, ortho

How much more do I pay?

When will my teeth be straightened?

What can I eat? Oy vey!

-both by Lynn

Santa Sez: Leave me some soft-baked cookies, please!

 

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